Why M I so broken I side? Why cant I feel like the happy faces I see daily either on television or outside? Since I can recall being just a young girl maybe 10 or 12 years old,  I’ve always felt displaced from the world around me. My everyday waking filled with a longing for an emotion I couldn’t feel but knew was missing. By the time I was 15 I began drinking alcohol and abusing prescription drugs to feel something or maybe it was to feel nothing I’m not so certain anymore.  By the time I turned 25 I was full blown depressed and experienced manic episodes that I believed were of normalcy.  This illness has taken away my want to live and the happiness I should be able to feel. My family believes I’m  some incapable crybaby who only lives to seek attention.  My illness must be made up or they say maybe you need a hobby? If they only knew the emptiness I feel . So here I am after multiple hospitalizations and treatment plans that never worked , contemplating the reasons I should live and why must I continue to suffer.

2 Comments
  1. shalom20 9 months ago

    I also wrote my story about being broken and after reading yours, I see so much similarities. .. I wish I had answers to some of your questions… but I do know you’re not alone in your thoughts …. be Strong

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  2. rc5001 9 months ago

    seems like your story is probably familiar to allot of people. For me, its opiate addiction that has brought me to the world you speak of. I was a successful heavy equipment mechanic before it wore my back out, I never really new how happy I was back then. In a strange way this nightmare that wont go away has shown me what my happiness was. The best I have felt sense then is when I started physical therapy, loosing excess weight, hydrating properly and all of that stuff that we sort of quit doing as adults here in the united states. it takes a while, but all the sudden I realized I felt better then I had in over a decade. I still battle depression and pretty much everything I mentioned. And i tell my self when Im really down that the alternative is not a option (giving up). There is happiness here, it will find us again!

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