Why M I so broken I side? Why cant I feel like the happy faces I see daily either on television or outside? Since I can recall being just a young girl maybe 10 or 12 years old, I’ve always felt displaced from the world around me. My everyday waking filled with a longing for an emotion I couldn’t feel but knew was missing. By the time I was 15 I began drinking alcohol and abusing prescription drugs to feel something or maybe it was to feel nothing I’m not so certain anymore. By the time I turned 25 I was full blown depressed and experienced manic episodes that I believed were of normalcy. This illness has taken away my want to live and the happiness I should be able to feel. My family believes I’m some incapable crybaby who only lives to seek attention. My illness must be made up or they say maybe you need a hobby? If they only knew the emptiness I feel . So here I am after multiple hospitalizations and treatment plans that never worked , contemplating the reasons I should live and why must I continue to suffer.
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I also wrote my story about being broken and after reading yours, I see so much similarities. .. I wish I had answers to some of your questions… but I do know you’re not alone in your thoughts …. be Strong
seems like your story is probably familiar to allot of people. For me, its opiate addiction that has brought me to the world you speak of. I was a successful heavy equipment mechanic before it wore my back out, I never really new how happy I was back then. In a strange way this nightmare that wont go away has shown me what my happiness was. The best I have felt sense then is when I started physical therapy, loosing excess weight, hydrating properly and all of that stuff that we sort of quit doing as adults here in the united states. it takes a while, but all the sudden I realized I felt better then I had in over a decade. I still battle depression and pretty much everything I mentioned. And i tell my self when Im really down that the alternative is not a option (giving up). There is happiness here, it will find us again!