Hello Everyone!

I'm new to AnxietyTribe, so if anyone could give me any comments on how to use it, I'd enjoy that. I'm here because I'm a fairly active blogger already, but my friends say I tend to be anxious, and given my history, that's no surprise. I just need a way to relax between not only school work but also all of the pressures of college life. I'm a freshman at BU and I cannot believe my first semester has already gone by. I feel like I've changed so much as a person, and coming to a liberal university in a city has been a drastic change from my sheltered, narrow-minded hometown. I feel like there's a place for me here, to the point where I feel like it's more like home than my actual home. I feel like I'm allowed to be me, and I'm surrounded by people who are amazing because they're just being themselves. Here, you're not a freak if you don't go to church on Sunday or have a crazy hairstyle or tattoos. Here, self-expression is valued. And I can be anything I want to be. And I've wanted to be a writer for so long, and I'm finally studying for it and making so many connections with publishers and workin on my own blogs.

But I feel like all of this oppurtunity is a double edged sword. I feel like I have to be super impressive, because everyone else is. I forgot that the reason for that is because they're just being themselves. I'm extremely shy and have been so grateful for the friends I've made and the great times I've had. But sometimes I wish I would be brave enough to talk to some people who I've wanted to talk to for a really long time. And I don't want to put too much social pressure on myself. Like tonight, it's Saturday, and I was out with friends last night and have plans with friends tomorrow. But I'm sort of beating myself up right now because it's like, I'm in college and I'm in on Saturday night. For some reason, I have this notion in my head that EVERYONE on campus goes out and drinks on Saturday nights and I KNOW it's not true, so why do I still feel like a loser for not doing it? Maybe it's just because I get really lonely alone in my room. But I need to not be afraid to reach out to the freinds that I know I can trust, or to just do what I want to or need to do sometimes.

I'm always making myself out to be inadequate in one way or another. If I'm not out I feel like a loser. If I'm out I feel guilty for not doing homework. If I'm not blogging I feel like I'll loose my career. And I spend so much goddamn time thinking about these things that I don't actually end up doing anything to address them ! The most common thing I do, actually, is just go to bed. Now how does that make any since. I've just gotta focus on doing one thing at a time, and it's all worth it- there's no formula or schedule to be written out when it comes to living life. Just do the things that are good for you , and just do the things you love. Too much I overthing. Think not, try not! Do! That's what I'm trying to teach myself.

Anyway, I guess I'm grateful that I was in and found this and sort of got to write this out because it's releasing a lot of what needs to be released, it's helping me understand and not be so controlled by my overactive brain. But I could probably also write in my diary or my other blogs…see , there I go again! I'm just gonna enjoy the evening.

Best, and feel free to shoot me any messages or tips !

Peace and Love,

Liv