I’ve been alive longer than I thought I ever would be. I’ve been sick for over half my life now and I just can’t take it anymore. As I’ve gotten older I see how it affects those around me and now I’m constantly seen as just a mental case. All anyone sees is the depression because it’s gotten so bad that I can’t even pretend to hide it anymore. My body, mind and trauma close people off so that i’m no longer a burden to them.

I just wish I had answers as to why I have to be like this. Why do I have to deal with the things I deal with? Why is my mind so dark and fights me so hard to just even stay alive? Why do I stay alive for those who claim to love me, but when things get hard they run away?

I really just don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve lost all hope, all joy, all everything good in life.

Being bipolar is so exhausting. I remember the beginning of this week I was actually okay and then BOOM anxiety overwhelmed me and I just broke down. Like what…..? I was just fine. Why? Why now? Nothing even happened..nothing changed just my mind being stupid like always.

If this is how my life will always be. I don’t want it.

I’m one who believes we live many life times and if I don’t make it through this, I just hope in my next life time i’m content with living and don’t have to suffer through this again.

1 Comment
  1. p3bbl3z0889 3 months ago

    I can definitely relate. We keep telling ourselves that we are not alone. But sometimes it’s easier said. I can’t stand myself anymore. Everytime I try to have a good day my anxiety comes up out of no where. Our mind body and soul needs to be bigger than this. We just have to continue to be strong and continue to say we’re going to get out of this. Tomorrow is always a different day. Prayers I know what your dealing with. Your not alone.

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