I’ve been alive longer than I thought I ever would be. I’ve been sick for over half my life now and I just can’t take it anymore. As I’ve gotten older I see how it affects those around me and now I’m constantly seen as just a mental case. All anyone sees is the depression because it’s gotten so bad that I can’t even pretend to hide it anymore. My body, mind and trauma close people off so that i’m no longer a burden to them.
I just wish I had answers as to why I have to be like this. Why do I have to deal with the things I deal with? Why is my mind so dark and fights me so hard to just even stay alive? Why do I stay alive for those who claim to love me, but when things get hard they run away?
I really just don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve lost all hope, all joy, all everything good in life.
Being bipolar is so exhausting. I remember the beginning of this week I was actually okay and then BOOM anxiety overwhelmed me and I just broke down. Like what…..? I was just fine. Why? Why now? Nothing even happened..nothing changed just my mind being stupid like always.
If this is how my life will always be. I don’t want it.
I’m one who believes we live many life times and if I don’t make it through this, I just hope in my next life time i’m content with living and don’t have to suffer through this again.