Today, like most days, has been full of wins and losses in my ocd world. The wins were big – didnt do my ritual for handwashing for the first time (Woohoo this is BIG for me!) and my bf and I went to a sports game at a stadium and I was hardly anxious! To give you perspective, a little less than a year ago, I couldnt force myself to go to that same stadium at all cuz of my contamination fears with the tight crowds and cuz Id been there in the past. I still tried to not touch people, but not much different than a normal person would and then when I did get bumped into, I just let it go or didnt even care! Not perfect, but progress! But also in the same day I “had to” throw away some new socks and a pen and do my handwash ritual. Ugh. Its never all good and there have been days that were all bad. [br] [br] Im not sure how to feel about today. Part of me is really proud of the good and part of me says “Well you know you should have done better cuz even tho you didnt do some of your rituals, you still did others so it doesnt count.” For example, I didnt do the handwash ritual, but I was super careful while washing so that I would be less anxious. But Ive been super careful before and still had to do the ritual, so doesnt today count for something? I felt ok at the stadium, but I still avoided a certain stairwell and paid cash for parking so I wouldnt have to touch the card reader. [br] [br] Do I have a right to celebrate these things or were they really just failures? I want to think positive of myself but I keep putting myself down/dismissing myself cuz it wasnt good enough. (sigh) Sorry this was kind of a rant…