Well its another day and I'm already taking care of someone else on top of my mom.
I'm so tired of taking care of everyone, just because I'm burnt out and hurting myself.I wouldn't care if I could take care of me or someone was helping me with my wants and needs. I should be on med's or something instead of struggling through this alone and wothout.
When you have nothing you are subjected to people doing what they want to do for you, not what you could get done if you were paying them.
I'm grateful for the help I do recieve but what amazes me is people seem to think this is all I require….A talk on ocassion….to get out of the house once in awhile…to recieve foodstamps….to constantly try to get help..
No one is worried about what I need or want, how I feel, I'm just suppose to suck it up….it doesn't matter that I was dignoised with clinical depression yrs. ago and I just lost everything and still have nothing. It doesn't matter to anyone that I'm sitting here in the dungeon unhappy, or in pain, or if I were dead no one would even no until I wasn't avaliable to do something for them.
Oh wait I need to go do something for someone I'll be back….ok from now until 2 pm I will be alone and not needed for anything, hmmmm, if I were to hang myself it would be over and no one would even know til hrs., later, but don't worry I'm not going to kill myself that would be selfish, I must think of all the people it would hurt all of those here with me… not using me for there needs…. my many friends, family,business associates, lol, lol, lol, sorry but you do get my point. My schedule is so busy my goodness what shall I do?
I had a dream I was in the mts, and I wanted to go fishing but I never got to I was woke up.
I love the fact that I have people in my life that ask me everyday how I feel, if I'm ok. How can I help Dianne? What do you need? Their all lined up for me, but I'm just to busy feeling ungrateful for them all, its all me, as i'm told daily …just stupid, dumass me
It'll get better, I'm strong….just reminding myself…lol.