My husband doesn’t know I’m a Witch. I’m a Wiccan Witch, a practitioner of the Old Religion, love and light. He thinks I’m still a Christian, and in some ways I think I still am. It is possible to become a Christian Witch. It’s not an easy road to travel, by any stretch of the imagination. I still pray to Jesus, but the difference is, I also pray to Gaia and Selene, Frigga and Odin. I am a polytheist. I don’t believe that Jesus is the only God out there. I believe, too, in goddesses. I see the Divine as two halves of a whole, the goddess and the god. I don’t have patrons yet. When I first dedicated myself to this path, I took Sunna and Mani as patrons. They are the Norse goddess of the sun and god of the moon. But I feel that it’s time to look elsewhere for patrons, as my connection to Sunna and Mani has dwindled down to zilch.

It’s difficult to practice the Craft in secret. I cast spells when my husband is at work. Last night I made moon water, and he asked if it was pagan stuff. I didn’t reply. I cleansed my crystals in the moon water today, and he asked if it was witchcraft. I said no, I’m just cleaning my stones. I don’t know if he believed me or not. It certainly looks like witchcraft to pour moon water over a bowl of crystals. I’m making solar water right now. I already drank the remainder of the moon water, and will make more moon water tonight and tomorrow night. The energy of the full moon lasts for three days, before, during, and after. Tonight is the night of the full moon. But because it’s a Saturday and my husband is here, I won’t be able to cast my usual full moon spells.

I do my best to commune with Nature, and Mother Gaia, when we are out on hikes, but because of my symptoms (seeing dark shadows on everything, for one), it’s difficult to really appreciate Nature as she looks distorted to my eyes when I’m going through my symptoms. This is nearly every day, now. It used to be only in the afternoons when I would start to see the dark shadows, but now it’s nearly all the time when I am awake. As I am practicing my Craft in secret, I don’t have a dedicated altar space, just a collection of stones on a dish, and a candle and dried rose on another dish, on our dining table. It just looks decorative. I use the dining room table as my altar when I am by myself here, I just clear things off the table and set up my four quarters (candle, incense, cup of water, and stone). I use herbs and oils in my spells, and frequently make tea spells. I have a Book of Shadows that contains all my spells and witchy reference information, as well as some journaling pages in which to chronicle my workings.

I sometimes go outside and stand barefoot in the dirt, to connect with Mother Gaia. I want to go out tonight to celebrate the full moon with my husband. Just going out to view the full moon can’t be seen as witchcraft, can it? We’ve done it countless times before. There are things I’d like to do today that feel extra witchy, but with my husband here I can’t do them. I just finished drinking Yogi’s Green Tea Super Antioxidant. I consider all cups of tea to be like a mini-spell in themselves. All four elements are present in the making of tea- the water, the heat, the leaves, the steam. Sometimes I seal the spell by drawing a pentagram over the lid as it steeps. I’m going to light some incense as an offering to Mother Gaia and Mother Selene. Lighting incense can’t in itself be considered by my husband to be witchcraft. I will also burn patchouli oil in my oil warmer, for grounding and abundance. Patchouli oil is healing for the root chakra, which is the chakra that governs our feelings of safety and security. I’m lacking in both of those right now. I’m always feeling unsafe in the world.

The bad voice in my head is telling me that I’m not safe. I am trying to think of a quick protection spell I can do to protect myself from him. “Great goddess of day and night, protect me now with all your might!” I can’t wait until the waning moon, because then I can cast a banishing spell to rid the world of those stupid orange cones that I’m seeing literally everywhere, that make me feel unsafe. They just have to go away! Their ubiquitous presence is abnormal. They’re in people’s yards, driveways, parking lots, medians, the side of the road and highways, everywhere. I’m so sick and tired of seeing them. I may need to to a week-long banishing spell, because it’s going to take a lot of energy to get rid of the stupid things. I put one in the trash can out on the street yesterday.

Red jasper is a protective stone, as is turquoise. I have both. I think I’m going to meditate with them in my hands for awhile. I have two red jasper stones, one is plain red, the other is red with green markings. And my turquoise is a dark turquoise. I have a daughter, whom we placed for adoption when she was born, and she is fascinated by witches. She loved the Wizard of Oz, and she has been a witch for the last few Halloweens. She was reading a book series that featured a young witch, and she and her adoptive mom created a story called “The Bird Witch and the Blue Princess,” which they performed in a YouTube video. She is not, to my knowledge, being raised with any religion. I wonder if she will seek out Wicca once she is old enough to realize that witches are real and she can become one.

I will conclude by saying Blessed Be, I hope this blog has entertained you and brought consciousness of Wicca to the world.

1 Comment
  1. jgillespie 11 months ago

    This was a really interesting read, you’re obviously in a really complicated situation and that must be stressful for you. I come from a strong Christian family and I am a practicing Christian myself. However, aside from having an interest in other religions, I’m particularly interested in Wicca. Ive done a fair amount of research on the subject and I’ve worked with others who were practicing Wiccans. If you ever need to chat just send me a message. 🙂

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