Dear Diary,

How long will it take? For Mom to leave me alone. Yeah I hate myself, and I used to self harm, and I want to die, but… My Mom doesn’t need to know that, she needs to know in her mind and in her heart that I am Happy, Healthy, and Safe- from ANYTHING including myself.

In this blog I will go over the little things that put me and I’m sure a few others over the edge, because I used to be happy. Could I be happy again?

The most recent thing I remember: Earlier this year I came out as Genderfluid and Pansexual to my entire family, the only people that don’t accept me are my Grandparents. I see them every day. I changed my name to Greyson but I still get called by my dead name everyday. My Grandmother is the source. My Grandfather came from Sicily, Italy in 1965 when he was 18 and has no clue what LGBTQ+ even is. My Grandmother is Homophobic, and Transphobic.

“You’ll always be a girl.”

“Dead Name, Come Here!”

“Dead Name, just be NORMAL because you make me UNHAPPY.”

“You DON’T want me to be UNHAPPY, do you?”

“This is just a phase/trend.”

You still give me that college money for Christmas. That’s not what I want this year. I want your love and acceptance, is that too much to ask? She killed a part of me, that I’ll most likely never get back. If you’re struggling with this please know you’re not alone and I hope things get better for you.

My Private Messages are open for anyone who needs to talk to a friend about this or anything else. Thank you for reading and if you have any advice PLEASE Comment or Private Message me.

~ Greyson


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