Hey everyone,

Havent been on in a  few days cos i have been very very sick with withdrawels,yesterday  i had to go to work for 4 hours for a mandatory course, when i got home i collapsed on the floor in my bedroom in pain. My legs, arms, fingers, toes, back, stomach – even the bones in my ass cheeks are sore. Its horrible ,. My poor mother didnt know what to do , she was terrified. Her and her partner had to lift me into bed and take of my clothes to put on my pyjamas. I dont remember much except being really really cold , but i was actually drenched in sweat, my moter said my bed clothes, pyjamas, hair and everything else surronding me was soaking wet as if id got into the shower in my clothes or someone had poured water over me! I was sliping in and out of consciousness and my ma an her partner had to check in on my every 15 minutes for the night. So today my ma drove me to the clinic after a massive effort to even put on clothes. I looked like absloute shit…anyway got to the clinc, every worker an clinet there was askin was i ok and were really worrried for me . I went into my doctor in tthat state and he still took the same shitty attitude wiith me,my ma was out in the car so i callled her into to see the doc with me and she couldnt believe his attitude with me. But the way she is she didnt feel right letting it rip at him cos it woiuld only come back on me an even though she was right i wanted to up end the cunt,. (im sorry for using the c word but its the only one i feel he deserves-te worst) he still wouldnt listen  to me, offer me any kind of other out patient support, …NOTHING. I just dont no wat to do now, he even had me ma go down an collecct me methadone –  i really dont no why he did that, but everytghng he does seems to be on his terms, Black and white and his own opinion is all he seems to see or that matters to  him.

I saw my counsellor after that an she was astonished at the way he was going on, practically said she doesnt understand or agree with why he does this to people c0s instead of getting them clean they end up back on smack, but then agahin thats probably what he wants, or rather for me to go back up on my dose of methadone because im no use to him and no money for him when im off it., and he actuallly suggested that i go back up on my dose, which is bullshit cos if i did and then i started reducing again im still going to have these problems and this sickness,the only problem here is that he wont give me anythng to help me wit it.Every other doc in the clinic gives their patiens something to help them wheather its a few sleeping tabs,valium, lofexidine etc etc.

I went to a local doctor heree where my mother lives who prescribed me valium 5mg 3 times  a dsay an some steroids to build up my lungs and bones an muscles so they hopefully wont be a sore. Its helping a bit but oter than that i dont no what to do. Im in such bad pain,its horrible an iv to work thre next 4 days in a row 12 -15 hour shiftc cos theres a festivall om here and its going to be mad busy.

Im just fucking desperate, i dont know wat to do anymore, I got my bloof pressure taken today and its was 92…tjat is so low/…..

4 Comments
  1. hellbent73 14 years ago

    You are strong and can get through this. Don’t let your ass hole doctor win! And never forget how you feel right now… It will help you stay clean when you think using again might be a good idea. Methadone is a hard kick. It won’t last forever, 30 days at the very longest, usually more like 10-11. You can do it. You deserve to be clean and live the life you want.

    All my love and support!

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  2. blueflame666 14 years ago

     Stay strong and keep your head up. Withdrawl sucks and you really shouldn’t be going back to work so soon but I can understand that you probably don’t wanna lose your job.  My doctor is the same style prick like he wishes I should have just died and done the whole world a favor. F – them both they will never know what it’s like to go through what we went through the only know what they read in their little books at school. Good luck be strong you’ll make it 

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  3. DevinD 14 years ago

    Like they say in the film Juno, "Dr’s are mean men who like to play god and watch other people suffer." I’ve had to work while detoxing and I was in hell, but since you are misserable no matter what you do, you might as well be misserable and making money. Hopefully they’ll see how sick you are and cut you some slack.

    I remember having to keep a stack of t-shirts next to my bed because i would wake up every 30 min soaking wet. Those are bad times to be in but the worst of it passes within a few days. The most important thing to remember is to drink lots and lots of water and take tons of vitamins. All the water  that you’ve been sweating out is leaving you badly dehydrated, which is one of the things that leads to the blood pressure drop.

    The best way to get some releif is to take a warm bath, its the only time you realy feel the warm and you wont feel sweaty because you are already in water. Plus it releaves most the pressure on your muscles and gives them a break.

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  4. KizzyT31 14 years ago

    Hey everyone, thanks for the support  its rreealy appriciated an needed at the moment, so thankyou all from the bottom of my heart. I need all the help i can get at the moment so im very greatful for you all.

    Luv ya’s xx  hehehe

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