I’m worried that all these good feelings that I’ve got right now are going to end in ways I don’t want. I’m worried that maybe i’m just in a "phase". I have them often, these ups and downs, but never really ones that have lasted this long. Its been about a week now. Maybe i’m in some sort of manical phase or something. I’m going to try and fight the bad stuff coming through. I’m really going to try and not let it get me down again. At least if I do crash, I’ve got rid of all the negative things in my room, including the scalpels that I used to cut.

I’m looking forward to the psychaitrist appt on Monday. Kinda nervous as well. Maybe if it is a phase, he might be able to help me with it. When I’m like this I kinda feel like there is nothing wrong with me. Thats how I’ve been kinda feeling these last few days. LIke there is nothing in the world that is wrong with me. I know that there is. I couldn’t have done the things i’ve done and NOT have something wrong with me. Is it something that i’ve just "grown out of"? I don’t know. I still feel it there. Its just not as prominent right now.

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life. I know I want to move interstate, and i’m still planning to do that in the new year.. but where from there. I was thinking about it more today, and i’m kinda concidering maybe going into psycology or councelling. I’d like to help others. Especially teens. Maybe a school councellor or something. I get along well with younger people, and I sure would be able to relate to alot. Anyway just something that i’m thinking about. Is that hipocritical of me? hmm.


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