I really hate the summer. I can't see anything good about it, well for me at least. People say to me things like

"Did you watch England play football / soccer?"

No, don't care, it's boring to me.

"Cheer up the olympics is soon"

Why would I want to watch some archaic games being played by people I've never heard ofwho compete against each otherfor a medal which is in fact meaningless. I don't give a toss how far someone can throw a javelin and it certainly wont get you a job when the most overated event in the world is over.Now I think about itI'd rather watch football

The one that really bugs me is

"Smile the suns out"

So fucking what! The sun means more people will be out in public and I feel even more paranoid. There's more faces looking at me, judging me and I stand out even more than usual. Everyone goes around in groups during the summer- I don't. They go on group holidays- I don't. I like the Dark, it's easy to hide in. No one can what total asshole and loser I am. I've been alone for so long I don't know how to do anything else. I clng to unhappness, it's a known state to me. Any other state scares me.

Someone said to me the other day "you don't know how to be happy" and they're right I don't know how to be happy. Haven't got a clue. Can't actually remember a time when I was happy.

So as everyone goes about enjoying the sun and of to a foreign land for a holiday I'll sit here in the dark and let my casual heroin use turn into a full blown addiction and if in the course of the summer I take too much then so be it. After all I've got nothing to lose.


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