I've never been a huge fan of Christmas because I am not important to my family. My mother looks at me with disdain and judgment all day while my family picks on me. It was cute when I was four but at 21 it's nothing short of insulting. My brother is 23 and were relatively close but he's not nice to me in the company of other people and makes a point to make me look like a jackass. My other brother is 27 and he does the same when he's around despite the fact that I'm 10x smarter than him(proven fact, my family agrees). My mom is a whole other level of rude. I get ZERO recognition on holidays from her and she acts like I'm an obligation to everyone. It's been this way as long as I can remember. My stepdad beat my mom a few months ago and he's here but I'm not sure why. He moved out and promised to change but he's still bejng an asshole to me. Also, to top it all off this is my first Christmas without my granddad. He died last week. Merry fucking Christmas. I already hated the holiday because my biological dad hasn't bought me a present or a card in 13 years but also because the verbal abuse increases tenfold with all my family here. My brother left to go to a bar with some friends of ours but I was cordially uninvited. My 'best friend' has hardly been speaking to me lately and is being shady as hell. I'm just tired of everyone and it saddens me to know that I'll always be alone like this. Surrounded by people but always alone. Never given compliments or recognized for good deeds, just torn down and belittled. I'm so depressed but if I told my mom that she'd scream at me and have me committed. So my life is basically a joke. My friends suck ass, (and I'm a GOOD friend), my family is even worse, and my granddad is gone. Why am I still even here? It's like my existence is for the purpose of amusement and torment. Lets all watch Shannon's life fall to pieces and sit there and do nothing about it. That sounds about right.