I just read a text from my son to my other half. He said that I was looking for and asking him for narcotics and he didnt really think I was in pain and how messed up that was for asking.

I threw my back out a few days before thanksgiving. My heart beat was like i was running a race. I barley could walk I was throwing up from pain. I spent the day with a iv drip of morfine in the ER.. That I hated very much. it felt awful and burned in my veins.

I neve asked my son for drugs– i told him how i was upset that they didnt send me home with something stronger. I was in a lot of pain. I couldnt even go to the bathroom with out being carrier. That was the most pain i have ever felt in my life!

My drug habit:

i am not a fan of pain killers one bit and i stopped taking my clozapam in fear afterf reading it was addictive. I will smoke pot if i ever get my hands on it. I dont drugs for fun in the past when i was young , like over 10 years ago. I don;t even drink.

I am nervouse about my upcoming doctors appoinment becaus I know they will put me back on medication and this time i am going to try to stay on it so i can get better

I have no idea how he has come up with this conclusion of me being some junkie looking for a fix?!?! Why is he saying such things about me? It really bothers me. It's not the first time I have heard him come off with off the wall thoughts. I start to wonder know some of the bad things he has said about my mom. Are they true or is he making it up?!?

This summer, my son had the police called on him a few times because i gusse he is a slob in his apartment. What i dont get is why they took him to the ward to get testing.

With talking to him and his out of the world ego of himself, his low veiw of everyone else around him, his none stop talk of religion and unreal ideas of how this world works. I am really worried about him. But now with him talking this bull crap about me…..i really wonder if there is something wrong and i am scared about it. he wont go get help or talk to anyone. I barly can hang on myself . so i dont know how to help him just thinking about this has me all worked up and my tummy feels like its on fire