I felt werid today. Like I just wasn't myself… Oh anyway, I can remever doing things. And I kept asking myself why are you doing that??? STOP IT! I was well aware of what I was doing I just couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried. i was acting up and I knew I was… But it felt ok I guess even though I was annoying myself. Atleast I made Ricky and Robin laugh. 😀
My rituals were low. I'm thinking maybe I should just give in to them and all this feeling crazy will go away and just accept I have to do them and that sucks. Alot… So yeah, it's either rituals and feel like hell, or feeling crazy and hell… I think I'm going to go with the feeling crazy as the worse one of the two… So maybe I should just give in…
Derick called… Cirena answered the phone. I've been wanting to call and ask how his dad is doing but i dn't want to talk to him. I'm still angry I caught him looking into our window. So Cirena answered it and asked him. I guess their conversation went something like this.
Rochelle is in the shower. (Great he is probley picturing me naked… Thats what I thought… When I heard her tell him I was in the shower. Which I was on my way so she didn't lie. 🙂 ) Then she asked him how his dad was doing. He said good. Then he says "Oh I see youjust answerd the phone to see how my dad was doing, you don't care about me." How selfish of him… And that is another reason why I don't want to talk to him. I am tring so hard to keep the negitive things out of my life. Which I know I am going to come across some, because I can not avoid all of them. Even though I wish I could… But it puts me in a mood and I find myself easly influenced soemtimes. I mean I can control it for the most part. But I have my days were I feel hectic and I just do them for some reason and always feel bad afterwards… It's crazy. It drives me crazy!