Over two months ago I blogged about being confused, liking a guy but not knowing what to do and general "ahhhhhh I want a guy, but fun" confusion. I was frustrated on the grounds of never wanting to be lonely for the rest of my life and not wanting further work than I already have. I had a guy that made me work over time for what I wanted and if I settled it was for not even a quarter of what I really wanted in a relationship. Well, today his gone and I'm here to blog differently than then.
They say that good things come in odd packages, good things come to those who wait, and that what your waiting for will come when you least expect it. Some of you have followed me through my blogs over the years and know that I've been down, but determined. I took myself "off the market' to work on myself so I could be the best partner I could be for someone in the future. I have gone from a "lasher", angry, upset, majorily confused, emotional, imature young adult into a placid, talk-about, emotionally intouch, lovable young woman. I've waited, I've been patient and finally….FINALLY….I'm being rewarded.
It was January 29th 2010 and I was to meet a guy off the internet…off a dating site *sigh*!! I was to meet several possible partners that weekend, but as it turned out none turned up except for Mr. Friday Night. I went into the date on that Friday night thinking that I will gain a really good friend, but nothing else.
Cutting a long story short…after text msgs and phone calls the next day and days after that we decided that being friends was not going to satisfy either of us. We became a couple and a few months later it's like I'm a princess in a movie. As a little girl I would watch movies and would have in my mind what I would like in a relationship when I got older, through watching my sisters and parents act out their love with their loved ones, it was becoming stronger what I wanted, but I was coming to the realisation that there is no one for me. As I thought that, I did my usual 'kick in the butt', encouraging, MAJOR faith burst and off I went to find someone that IS out there for me and he came to me.
As he (Ashley) sat at the kitchen table, a few nights ago, helping my mother do something that would normally be my job, I lipped to him "I love you" and warm tingles went through my body when he looked in my eyes and lipped "I love you too". His support is never ending and more than a movie can articulate. His biggest thing this year is to support me through my last year of uni. I've never heard those words from someone before. "Even if I have to come out here and sit while you finish that assignment, I'll be here".
They say you "just know" when you've found "THE" one….I never understood that until now. OCD is mine and everyones on here- journey that we don't understand and something we have close and find hard to express. To Ash it's another loving trait of mine. My smile, giggle, and appearance wherever he is, is his everything. I am his world and I want to do everything for him to know he is mine. I am finally getting into my head I'm no longer alone. I have someone that wants to help me and help in my duties helping my parents, getting through uni and getting through my struggle of not understanding my place in life.
I use to cry because I was sad, confused, angry, distroyed and unworthy. I now cry because I have everything I have ever wanted and the emotion needs somewhere to come out. I now know I'm settling for not just what I wanted in the perfect boyfriend, but more than I could EVER have imagined.
A tear of saddness can turn into a tear of happiness, you just have to find the right hanky to take them away.