all of the feelings that I feel have words already spoken. I am lost and alone, drifting unworthy and worthless. I am expendable, with nothing to give. It’s the wednesday before thanksgiving and I’m alone in the house except for the angry roommate who is leaving. She is packing around the house so I am shut in my room, trying to decide how to make the pain stop. Tired of feeling insecure and pathetic.

last week i was contacted by Detective J.A.  from LA County. Gave a statement, sent a release for medical records and pictures. The case is being sent to a different county.

I have restocked my sleeping pills. lovely, irresponsible doctors, and oh-so-irresponsible me, avoiding doctor appointments. Not avoiding so much as unable to balance them with life. I can’t balance anything lately – always over correcting.  I feel like one day soon I’ll permanently over correct. My will to live is despairing of hope.