I woke up extremely anxious this morning – I studied all weekend for a History test today, knowing I had prepared nearly enough. I asked my roomie, last night, to wake me up at 8. I woke up at 10, when she got back from her class. I was pretty upset – it killed the only 2 hours I had left to study. So I’m cramming last minute, and see a notation in my notes – Test on Wed, 2/4. I double-checked online. The test isn’t until Wednesday – so I freaked for nothing. I feel pretty bad about it, and mad at myself – it’s not one of those mistakes I usually make – I’m the super-scheduled organized one, for pete’s sake. So now I’m sitting her, brooding, which I know doesn’t help, but it’s like my mind keeps playing the same track over and over – "How many people have I pissed off,or friends have I lost, because of little mistakes like that?" My roomie forgives me, but how many people didn’t? It makes me think about my current social situation, which is pretty abyssmal. The director of the art dept. at my school hates my guts for no reason I can acertain – the other professors tell me I’m one of the strongests students and a joy to have in class because of my passion for learning, and yet, this man, for whom I did some of my very best work, can’t stand me. And it shows. Big time. But why? What did I do to him? Is it because most of the art majors are jealous of me, and have socially cut me off because of that? Is it because they can’t understand my drive and passion for what I do? How do I fix this? I don’t like connecting with people – I don’t like the drama that comes with it. And I’ll be honest, I don’t like giving people the opening to hurt me. It doesn’t feel worth it. Is that why people are so stand-offish? Because they know that they’ll probably never see the real me – so I seem fake to them? I hate fake people – it would kill me to think I was one.

I think that’s enough ranting thoughts for now. I’ve got a paper due in 20 minutes. L8er gators.

-Sissy