Hey! Im Aj! Today I am 3 days clean! This is the longest I have been without self harming!

-Why I Cut-

I cut because it feels better than taking in my feelings. I use to cut because I was living in a different state for the summer to December without my mom! I was living in a house with 6 people! I had to share a room with my cousin and brother WITH NO PRIVACY while my mom relapsed and was doing drugs again, Then was charged with a DUI! It was so hard for me! She missed Thanksgiving and Halloween (Our Anniversary) I was so alone! I kept getting in trouble and I was suffering.. But then on Christmas my Mom got all her stuff together and came down on a bus to South Carolina (were me and my brother were) She surprised us and she only could bring a tiny suitcase with her clothes in it. I didnt care if she didnt bring us presents as long as she was here I was so happy! But she wasnt herself.. She was weird and kinda mean. 2 months later she was on the phone with her Ex Boyfriend laying down ( Now there is 7 people in the house and now my mom was sharing the room with us!) my Auntie was really mad at the time for leaving us here and other reasons so she flipped out and starting attacking my mom while she was on the phone! My mom didnt hit her me and my brother were crying while my Grandmas screaming STOP STOP! I jumped on my mom thinking my Aunt would stop but she didnt.. And me jumping on my mom made her punch her face because she was blocking it before. Later they stopped I kept having BAD panic attacks I could barely breathe! (Ok now time to skip time) After my birthday my mom finally found a house for us! So in May we finally moved! Then… Her ex boyfriend came.. I knew him really well and he was a nice guy so I didnt care at the time! They broke up from him doing drugs. He then started living with us and things changed he was an alcoholic and got drunk and yelled at me and my brother for nothing! One time I had mosquito bites on my arm.. He said I had bugs which he and my mom new I didnt. But he yelled at me to put all my stuff in bags! I refused the minutes later he asked again and again I didnt I know some wont agree with what my decision and I know I should of listen to that drunk baster but I didnt. My mom just had given me a soft awesome rug he started to pick it up and I was sitting on it pulling NO! NO! My mom was telling him to stop as he was stepping on the rug he didnt so my mom pushed him! Ok weeks of yelling at us blah blah. Then.. on November 1st he was screaming at my mom! My mom told me and my brother to go in my room! Hours we heard He screaming and my mom was abused by 3 of her boyfriends before so she was triggered crying on the floor and we couldnt do anything.. Next thing we knew he started throwing chairs everywhere! Then he said Im going to smash the Tv in your kids faces! My mom snapped and hit his face with a raw egg! He ran to the TV and SMASHED it! Me and my mom called the cops and he was arrested for the night! Ok still from today we dont have a Tv but whatever My mom was traumatized FOR A WEEK! Then he was sober and called her from a hotel apologizing and crying! Then… a few days later he picked me up from school with my mom.. I acted like I forgave him but I didnt He was really nice and just as I was really going to forgive him! He wont talk to me now! I told my brother it was raining and he said NO SHIT! I wasn’t even talking to him! Hes making our punishments worse now and hes even mad at my mom! Supposently he hasnt drank since! I dont belive it! If you want any updates comment! Thanks for listening!

 

1 Comment
  1. marleyrita6204 10 months ago

    Hi so I cut too and I have been for a while the first cut was not the deepest. My parents think I cut for attenion I don’t. I cut because I can’t stop the thoughts from flowing I cut to feel and to wake myself up Ive just recently attempted suicide by drowning my life at home is not nearly has hard as yours. My peoples dont belive in the whole depression thing I keep wanting to tell people but I dont want to get sent away and it hurts to feel like they dont love me so i take to the blade and wear my pain on myself instead of hidden where no one can see. Ive been dropping hints that i need help but they still dont get it

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