Well.i havebt been on in a while but im back chattin with yall i have made.some dumb dumb choices in the past few month after i got married then the storm then evacuation cause my home was unliveable. My annoying but stable b.f is placed in afar away hotel so.i cling to this guy i met while on a manic episode. Although it was nice im in the city and he drives me but i know hes in it cause he gets free drugs with thw fare i give him and sex but past all that i think im just looking for some thing to focus on since all my familarity is gone……im staying at a hotel my son thank god is with family and my daughter is away at college…..but in the mist of hangin out one of his freinds called me ugly now.im.not sensitive ive been called worse but it wasnt the fact that it was said it was the reaction of my so called fuck buddy?? JBecause it seemed that his b.f opion of me mattered although i know we are in lust i can honestly say althrough the lust drug haze i may have a bit of love but i know the wayi feel.is low ugly fat and un wanted when i know its all untrue ive been ignoreing my true friends to drug and fuck and get driven around. But along with that i can say i enjoyed talking too him we have both.shared intamate things but i cant help but feel afraid to be alone again but i feel it coming he says it dont matter but just like when i introduced him to my b.f they asked y him hes not ur type in my sub.concious he reminds me of my grandpa smh wth….