I started worrying that maybe I blogged too much, that maybe it would annoy someone. But, then I thought "I dont force anyone to read it" so I felt a little better. Anyways, I feel like I have been cursed with chaos. There's so much in my life it makes me realize no wonder I could never hold onto a relationship. Who would want to deal with it? NO ONE apparently.  I don't blame the guys in my life for not being able to handle how my life is, but it still sucks. Its not like they didnt know what they were getting theirselves into when they got together with me. I like being super honest in the beggining of a relationship so that they know who I am and what I am about.  I do not try to drag others down with my problems or with the chaos that ensues but they end up in it anyways.  The things that I have been through I guess isnt normal and a lot of people just cant handle it. Fine I guess.  Maybe I should just stop telling them things that happened to me, but then they would never understand why I do certain things or freak out about certain things. I dont know I like to think that honesty is the best policy but that hasnt worked out in my favor yet. I dont know, I dont NEED to be with someone. I just like it.  And it is not just boyfriends I have lost over that stuff its friends too. They find things out about my past and childhood then all the sudden I am a person that they dont want to know anymore. LOL, its not my fault what happened tho and atleast I know that. I have stopped talking about it completely to anyone anymore. All the people in my life now have no idea about my past and perhaps I will keep it that way. Maybe its better I dont really know. It did help to talk about it when people pretended to listen, but then they would go around and tell someone else and soon enough everyone knew everything about me. Not that I care, people can judge. They do just by looking at me. Okay so when I was eleven I cutt myself up until about three years ago. I left horrible massive scars on my arms and its funny how rude strangers can be about it. If I wear a t shirt people stare like effin crazy. Some people even come up and ask me what happened. I usually just respond " I had a crazy cat, she hated me" and walk away. Its not their business but its not like I can hide it. Im not proud of it and I think its ugly as hell but there isnt anything I can do about it. I regret it and such but really Im not going to wear long sleeves for the rest of my life, thats just crazy.  Sadly it even shows through my tattoo. Lol oh well.. Im rambling and I dont even know why. Night everyone.