What is insanity?

Is It hearing the cries and whimpers of a loved one but ignoring them just the same? Is it lying to yourself and lying to other about people and events so that the truth, the sick ugly fucking truth never come out? What is insanity? Is it promising your self everyday that tomorrow will be better even though time has always proven the day to come up short of your expectations? Is it hiding away so you don’t have to deal with people, see people, wear your mask for people? Is it insane to base others reactions to your own reactions, to interpret a sneer into a cut on the skin, a ridicule in to a puff of a cigarette, shame into a bottle , two bottles, three bottles of beer? Is that fucking insane? Is it insane to stop your self from doing these things, but deep down, you really want to. To let that pain, that hurt go away. Is it insane to want it to run away rather than deal with it?

 

Im crying right now. I feel like I have almost nothing. Almost nothing left within me. No more barriers, no more masks left to hide behind.. I cant stop the tear shed. I cant drink, I cant smoke I cant cut anymore. I cant do it. I don’t have the energy anymore. All I want is some peace. Some type of reason within myself telling me that’s its okay. That im not crazy, that im not doing anything wrong that it will get better. I cant worry about everyone else, because no matter how long I wait no one else is going to come. I have to help myself. All I ask is for strength. For a life of my own where I can be happy. Where I could look bad and see that all my sacrifices paid off. Please just give me that