I will quickly introduce myself, then tuck myself into bed because it is hours past my bedtime. Although when I check back in here tomorrow, I will hope to have found a friend who understands me.
I am the mother of three adult children and grandmother to a beautiful little boy. I have a boyfriend who I don't think loves me. He says he does, but he tries to change me daily, complains about my behavior, criticizes me (sp) and gets very, very frustrated because of my OCD.
the OCD is accompanied by depression, food issues, control issues, fear etc.. although I believe it is all one ball of wax. I think when I get one of these factors to open up and release, it will tumble like dominos.
I am sooooo alone. NOBODY understands me at all. People I love are mad at me all of the time. They either don't understand and look at me as though Im out of my mind, the call me weird (or my behavior) or like most…They get mad at me. I have people that I love, who are supposed to love me back that won't even talk to me. I feel so trapped by this disease, no one understands at all. They seem to think we do this on purpose. My boyfriend tells me to stop acting like a victim when we fight over this. I seem to obsess mostly to do with food. I'm afraid to eat something that I may have eaten days earlier because I was feeling stronger. He gets really mad at me and storms out of the room. Tells me to stop acting like my mother etc… No support. If they'd only realize that the bad reactions only makes the illness worse. Mentally I suffer. Mentally they crush me.
I hope to meet some people here that I can call my friends. That I can share with and get understanding. I'm so tired of crying alone, silently so that I don't get called a victim anymore. When I weep, he ignores me and continues to watch his television. no support, no love, no sympathy. Sad….
I will check in here regularly. I cannot afford counseling, so I am doomed to my own affliction for now.
I look forward to talking with you. Please I am open to any and all suggestions.
Good night all.