Mail. Getting the mail, seeing mail trucks, opening mail, and holding mail used to make me feel excited. It used to be a normal routine experience. But, ever since this anxiety has taken over my life getting mail is one of the scariest things to deal with for me. It sounds so stupid, being scared of getting mail. But for me, it is scary because I never know what to expect. There could be something good, something really bad….anything. I hate bills, I always worry they will be crazy high amounts and I wont be able to pay them and we will lose everything. That is how my brain works. It goes from simply opening an electric bill-worrying about it being high-not having any money to pay it-losing everything I have. From opening a letter, to losing everything. This is what I go through every time I get the mail, or someone else brings the mail in. My heart will be pounding and my palms will get sweaty. I have to look at every piece, and open them all right away. If it is a bill I have to then figure out right away how it is getting paid and when and all the details until I have it all figured out. Then I can not think about it and when I do think about it I know I have a plan. If I did not figure it out right away, I would then think about it all day and have so much anxiety about it, I would dream about the worst, and think about it constantly until I did figure it out. I am getting really sick of this feeling. It is starting to make me feel depressed, and just over all sad. I shouldn\'t feel so sad, my life really is not that terrible. I am so tired of worry, I just want it to stop. Not ever having that shaky feeling, the warm tingle up my spine, or the nausea in my stomach ever again, seems like such a dream.