So…It's been a few days since my last post, To be honest I wasn't sure if I was going to write another blog entry at this point, But today/Tonight has just been…Ugh

Alright so, You know the obvious, Still in this goddamn hospital. I feel so exhausted yet I can't sleep whats-so-ever (Part of this has to do with my sleep apnea) and the other reason is just all the thoughts, and doubts, and feelings swelling up, On top of the physical pain and trying to resist giving into my disorders (which, I haven't been able to resist still..)

Then, Tonight mom and dad were fighting again. Mom actually wanted him to get her wine to drink (seriously…In the hospital? I might have done alot of things, including abusing pills but i'm never going to be an alcoholic)

Which he said no, and then they fought about that, Him not having a job at the moment (he got laid off, but he's been looking for a new one and what not), She even used me as a defense in her own childish bullshit, saying he can do what he wants while she takes care "Of our sick child" or whatever.

I'm WAY to stressed out and in pain to have to deal with my parents drama, and problems. THEY are ADULTS can't they handle this without doing it infront of me and my brother? I swear…My mom is selfish and self-centered. No matter what the situation, she always brings it back to her problems.

I can't take it, EVERYTHING is clashing together, (I can't even list my problems again…if you've seen my profile or other blogs then you know what's going on.) and then just a few minutes ago, I broke down about Ali again…I miss her so much that my already broken-heart is shattering into even more pieces.

Also, Last night I was able to sleep for about an hour, and again I'm used to having unpleasant dreams and whatever, But this one had to do with my cousin, the one that raped and sexually abused me, I had to bite my lip until it bleed to stop from jumping out of my bed and screaming.

I swear, It's like something just wants to see me crumble beneath my own past and problems, Loves seeing my pain, that my own blood shed feeds it's powers and it just wants me dead.

Honestly, I wish someone would just kill me off right now, I've already tried twice myself and sadly I lived. Anyway…All of this is also adding to my anxiety and I just don't have the strength to stop it.

so that was my vent for the night…Atleast I had Cecelia as my nurse today (tomorrow's day nurse is Tamantha who is good) and tonight's night nurse is Karla again…So hopefully as far as that it goes smoothly.

Also…Here's a quick picture I made, Instead of my shading pencils I used a pen and a shitty old normal pencil, Because at the time I couldn't find my Shading pencils (I found them now…So I'll probably re-draw this one later on…Since I think it looks shitty)

Anyway, Here it is…and also, See yeah later I guess..