] Alright…so….hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted a entry in so long. ALOT has happened and still trying to get those situations to calm down.

One of those problems- Is that Monday I had a major fight with my parents, to the point that afterwards when things had calmed down and they went to sleep, I wrote a goodbye note,

Packed my things and left- I ran away from home. Planning on finding some gutter to finally die in peace. Of course with my luck that didn't happen, I was able to self-harm freely- it got deep- I had no choice but to bandage it to not attract attention.

Anyway, I had all these voice messages one my phone, of them asking me to come home, the cops we're also looking for me since they had filed a 'missing persons' report and all that jazz.

Long story short, I was 'found' wednesday and brought home, my family was so happy I was 'okay' and back home, but I don't believe them. The only ones i'm glad to see again was my dogs.

Also, during the first night I was so broken I needed to talk to anyone- no one was picking up- so I called her….Ali….

Her step-father picked up and I froze, Before I could answer my phone lost it's signal and cut off, I tried again and no one picked up. but then I saw a voice message from him saying that this was 'harassment' and he'd be calling my mother and the cops-

He had NO idea that I was already at the point of being a 'missing person'. anyway, so THAT blew up in my face…I knew I shouldn't have trusted calling that place. I can't trust anyone.

So anyway, that has calmed down but things are still tense from it. tonight I couldn't get out of eating so I had to- But as soon as I did this searing pain shot through my stomach, I only felt better once I purged.

Also, Including tonight I only have 10 days until 'the pack is back', To get my schedule and shit, it'll be the first time stepping foot back in that place since leaving due to so many problems.

Then, we officially start classes august 20th, But what if it blows up in my face? and I can't handle it? and the bullying only gets worse and just- GAH!

my mind is exploding with anxiety and school hasn't even started yet! Also, this saturday I have to go to this event, and I know there's going to be alot of people, so the thought of that triggered me to cut.

Honestly, I want to burst. Also, I saw this video on youtube and this part got to me, it was part of a girl's suicide journal:

Kristina Arielle Calco:
She wrote about this girl she admired, some girl that was 'really' pretty. and 'really nice too' and how every time she saw her, the girl would smile at her.

(her sister said this: "Kristina doesn't realize that to everyone else, She was that girl.")

and i'm not sure why that got to me, But I guess I can because I can relate to that feeling, seeing that person who is always the one to light up the room and make other people happy-

Then I look at myself, and know I'd never be able to do that.

Anyway, I think that's all i'm going to say at the moment. I don't want to keep heading down this road and annoy people,

I hope everyone in the tribe is doing well this week, talk to you later.