Ever since I was a very young child I started to feel insignificant. I started thinking, usually late at night, how big the world was, how big the universe was, my mind could not and still does not fully grasp it. The only result of such ponderings is a feeling that the floor will fall out beneath me. That I’ll die at any moment. People die all the time. Every second. Did they know before it happened? The feeling of impending death is so overwhelming at times that I find it hard to breathe. And yet, being so frightened of the thought, I find myself daydreaming about my death. When things become too much to bear, I know that I could die. And it’s a welcome relief. How can I just effortlessly float from one extreme to the next? I don’t know how I carry on day to day and not constantly hate myself. I don’t know how I can go out in public and have a good time. I am ugly, and overweight, and dumb as a rock. And yet, I hate when people judge me. I can’t stand the fact that I allow people to make me feel that way. But I’m okay with making myself feel that way? That I’m not allowed to feel human because I believe everything about me is unappealing? I just feel pathetic and frustrated that I am where I am in my life. That I made these decisions and I make little to no effort to change them. And I whine about it all, and I get upset and all it would take is one step here, one step there, one step ANYWHERE. But I don’t go anywhere. I just sit, and watch everybody twirl and dance with life on by. And I hate myself.
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Anxious Morning (warning long blog)
deidrexx, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Sex Therapy, Stress, 1
I woke up again, with another anxiety attack. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If I go...
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It’s been almost a month and half
invisiblespirit, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, 0
It has been a bit since I’ve been on here. It has been busy for me. I finally had...
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Today is another day….
lonelyinnepa, , Depression, Career, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 1
i am up at 4 am for no good reason. i enjoyed the college football games yesterday despite watching...
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Introduction
morganalebeau, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Eating Disorder, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Religion, 0
Introduction Since I am new, I shall introducte myself. I am 45 years old and single. My ordeal started...
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Depressed?
ColdHeartedWench, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Obesity, 0
I wonder if any of you have had to deal with people that are mean to you just because...
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At a loss
eggirl, , Anxiety, Depression, Teens, Weight Loss, 3
I don’t know why I’m saying it here.No one will care.I just feel so alone like I don’t have...
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None
carrotflower, , Depression, Child, 0
i'm honestly just trying to hold on. for a while i was able to be happy at some times,...
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Numb
downey491, , Depression, Therapist, Weight Loss, 1
I don't really know what to write today. I think I'll just give you all an update on what's...