It's almost 4:00 in the morning. I can't sleep. It bothers me that my Mom and brother ganged up on me. That's always been the problem though…her constantly defending him, talking him up, siding with him. He's never been punished or criticized like I've been.

I'm filled with complete and total hatred for them. I want them to suffer later in life, I want them to feel scared and vulnerable. I'm tired of my brother being protected from ever having to feel bad or sad or scared or tired. He just gets away with way, way too much. I think it's time that they have to deal with life and I can't wait for it to punch them straight in the mouth.

I'm also rather angry with my boyfriend. I know he's DJing tonight but he said he'd try to text me. He hasn't and when I called, hoping the gig hadn't started yet, he answered with "I can't talk right now" really mean. All I could get out was "sorry". He said he'd try to text so I said "ok" and hung up. He won't be home until 6:30 or even 7:00 in the morning my time.

It just angers me to think that he's out having fun. He doesn't give a damn and he's been distant with me since the tattoo deal. He says that he "likes to control the crowd" and likes the way DJing makes him feel, Mr. AttenionWhore that he is. But I think he just likes the girls. He'll argue but I think he's lying out his asshole.

I suppose you could say that I feel abandoned and very angry. I'm so mad that I'm determined not to eat hardly anything while I'm still here and to stay in my room as long as I can. Shouldn't be too hard, I really did a number on my back.