I have a big problem with my family not being understanding of my anxiety disorder. I have a ten year old brother that suffers from Autism and it is very unfortunate. It has changed all of our lives and taking care of him is a full time job. The problem is that when I am having problems with my anxiety and I need them to be there or be understanding, they tell me that my brother\'s problems are more important and that he\'s worse off than I am so I should just be glad. It\'s unfortunate to admit, but knowing that someone else is in possibly worse pain than I am does not take away the fact that I AM in pain. Sometimes they tell me that I\'m just feeling sorry for myself and that I just need to knock it off. If I\'m having a panic attack and crying my mom will simply say something like "Oh, just shut up" or "Knock it off". I don\'t think they realize that anxiety IS very painful at times, both emotionally and physically. I don\'t think that I can talk to them about this until after I\'ve started seeing a counselor, but what do you think I should do for now? I feel like I\'m stuck between a rock and a hard place here.
Just the other day I discovered something really devastating to me and it\'s something that quite conflicts with my anxiety. I found that I have had autophobia, I just didn\'t know there was a word for it. For those that don\'t know, autophobia is the fear either of being alone or not trusting yourself. For me the problem mostly is that I don\'t trust myself. The way that makes me feel is extremely difficult to describe but I\'ll do my best. When I\'m upset about something and I start to feel really depressed, I don\'t trust myself to be in charge of making decisions. I become absolutely terrified that I am going to do something stupid like kill myself or ruin my life, even if I don\'t want to. That also ties in with not wanting to be alone. When it really starts to get to me and I feel afraid, I have to have someone nexts to me, that way I feel safe that they won\'t let me do anything ridiculous. I trust other people with my life, more than I trust myself with it. My autophobia also includes the fear of being myslef for the rest of my life. I want to change so badly, I am so scared of being Theresa With Anxiety or Theresa with depression. In reality, being scared of it and having a phobia just makes it a lot worse. It\'s something new to deal with but I\'m determined to get over it.
Thanks for reading everyone. Don\'t forget to tell me what you think. 🙂