We got the doctor's report back today (somewhat).  He drew blood and ran some tests and they think that it may be arthirtis.  He is in so much pain and I cant stand to see him like this.  It breaks my heart.  I just want to cry and my mother is holding up the best she can bless her heart I dont know how she does it all.  She watches my daughter for me while I work and doesnt charge me much money because she knows that we cant afford much.  She is a blessing in diguse.  I hope that when I am her age I am just like her.  I admire her so much she is such a strong person.  When we were at the lake I confided in her that I couldnt bear to lose her or my father.  If God takes them on to heaven it will kill me.  My parents have been my ROCK for all of my life.  They were there when I divorced my 1st husband in fact they gave me the money to get it done.  I know one thing I need to tell them that I love them everyday and that I appreciate them for everything that they have done for me.  It will still be a couple of weeks before we know what is wrong, but I just ask one thing of my tribe friends…..keep my father, my mother, me and my family in your prayers as we travel down this road.  I just dont know what I would do without either one of them.  They were 35 and 33 when I was born and now they are 70 and 68 (my mother will be 68 in August).  They are supposed to be in the prime of their lives, but it just seems that they are (or my father) is slowing down.  I know that if he slows down I am so scared that he will go down too fast.  It is so werid, I never knew me mother's father, but I did have my father's mother, my father's dad, and a stepgrandmother and stepgrandfather.  I lost my father's stepfather when I was 13 and then when I was 17 I lost my father's mother.  Then when I was 29 I lost my mother's mother, then when I was 30 I lost my father's stepmother, and then when I was 32 I lost my father's father.  The only grandparents we have now is my husband's grandparents. Both sides are still living and they are just like my grandparents.  My husband lost his father when he was 18 and everyone tells me that he knew he was going to have a heart attack so he left and when he did, it wasnt 5 to 10 minutes later the truck crashed into a tree and killed him instantly.  My husband was working on the river at the time and they had to go get him  and when he got home he kept asking his mother where is my daddy?   She told him sweetheart dont you remember he died 2 days ago.  He said that was when it hit him his father was dead.  I asked him were you angry with God because he took your father and he said yes I was but I know now that it was his time to go.  I just wonder if I will be like that.  I dont want to be angry with God for taking my father home, but I have always thought that he and my mother are invisible.  I think that nothing can ever happen to them.  They have practically raised my son and my daughter.  I know that says alot there.  I love them  so much and I cant lose them.  I told my husband one time that when they die you might as well bury me with them.  They have brought me up to believe that God is first in your life and that Jesus loves you no matter what.  I think with all the things that I have done wrong in my life that he can forgive me.  I know he can God doesnt send his son to die for our sins and not love us.  I am thankful that if my father does pass someday that God gave me such Christain parents and that they are so precious to me.  I just hope that my father comes out of this and comes back even better than before.