I'm listening to this song "It's only life" – I've been reminding myself of that a lot lately. 

Tears are forming in your eyes,
a storm is warning in the skies,
the end of the world it seems,
you bend down and you fall on your knees,
well get back on your feet , yeah,
don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith,don't run away,
it's only life.
you were always playing hard,
never could let down your guard,
you can't win, if you never give in,
to that voice within, saying pick up your chin,
baby let go of it , yeah,
don't look away, don't run away ,
baby, it's only life.
don't lose your faith, don't run away,
baby it's only life.(repeat)
take your hesitance, and your self defense,
leave them behind, it's only life,
don't be so afraid of facing every day,
just take your time, it's only life,
i'll be your stepping stone, don't be so alone,
just hold on tight,it's only life,
oh..don't look away, don't run away,
baby it's only life,
don't lose your faith, don't run away, baby, it's only life (repeat),
it's only life, it's only life,
don't look away…

The song has been sort of like my inspiration. To keep going. Keep my head level rather than down. Life seems so twisted lately but I need to make the steps towards making it better.

I need to move on and forget about Mike. He was nothing but bad for me anyways. As soon as he's not in my world anymore – the crying stops, the mind games stop, the guilt washes away. I feel more stable when he's not around. Yet at the same time I miss him so much. But I only miss the times he made me happy. Which are outweighed vastly by the times he made me unstable and want to kill myself.

What's the point of being with someone whom you feel you want to kill yourself just to get away from them? That's no life to lead.

I can be myself. Do as I please. Be happy. I just need to find out HOW, WHERE, WHEN and WHY or HOW.