I’m so sick of this, of everything. I’m so finished putting up with everyone. I thought I was going to choke down that cabinet full of pills last night, but somehow, sadly, I managed to resist. But… why? What for? I didn’t take sleeping pills last night so I fell asleep cryingcryingcrying just as I used to. And to wake up this morning and look in the mirror and hating myself more than should be possible really started me off to yet another bad day. I was nearly breaking down before I could even get out the door. i fought and struggled to suck it up through my first class, but second it got to be too much. So I sat in the corner silently because I swear if someone were to notice me, I would have freaked out on them. One word would have me sobbing beyond recovery or screaming and out of control. This has been the new me for the last couple weeks. I’m just so f*cking sick and fed up with everyone and everything and NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. I don’t care about anything. There are only three people I can think of that I don’t hate. Everyone else I can’t even stand to think about, even if I don’t know them but especially if I do. I’m so exhausted because it takes all my strength to stay composed and shut my mouth and hold every little thing inside. I know the day is coming when I will break. I fear it, but there’s no avoiding it so I’m also anxious to get it over with. All I want to do though is end it all, because it’s just too much and there just isn’t enough for me to hold on to and no one really, truly cares and no one will ever understand and nothing will ever change. These are all facts that I just can’t live with…