i am sitting here at 11:30 at night wondering what i can eat next cause i cant stop thinking and food is like a drug and comforts me. but i am blowing up and that makes so sick cause i look horrible and that is one of my issues is my self esteem. how do i stop the eating … i know all the tricks lots of water and exercise try to do something else … my dr told me to chew lots of gum.
im pretty sure the one reason i am single is cause of my weight. I am going over 200 right now maybe more last year i lost 30lbs and gained all back now. I am so disappointed in myself but i got into car accident and my depression got worse and then things spiraled out of control. i cant stop it.
i am also afraid of the addiction i have to xanax i use it to relax i use it to sleep and i cant be without it i was thinking the other day about finding something stronger to last longer and now im scaring myself i know i am strong and i can fight but my life sucks and things keep getting worse and im losing the fight.
i have nothing right now, no job, no car i live with my parents im lost i have a beautiful son that stops me from killing myself cause he is the one that makes me smile and i know i should get better for him but there is this force that stops me and i cant fight back.
I love sleeping i wish i could sleep all day and never get out of bed. dont know how to fight back anymore. and everyday i am giving up :o(:10800: