i am sitting here at 11:30 at night wondering what i can eat next cause i cant stop thinking and food is like a drug and comforts me. but i am blowing up and that makes so sick cause i look horrible and that is one of my issues is my self esteem. how do i stop the eating … i know all the tricks lots of water and exercise try to do something else … my dr told me to chew lots of gum.

im pretty sure the one reason i am single is cause of my weight. I am going over 200 right now maybe more last year i lost 30lbs and gained all back now. I am so disappointed in myself but i got into car accident and my depression got worse and then things spiraled out of control. i cant stop it.

i am also afraid of the addiction i have to xanax i use it to relax i use it to sleep and i cant be without it i was thinking the other day about finding something stronger to last longer and now im scaring myself i know i am strong and i can fight but my life sucks and things keep getting worse and im losing the fight.

i have nothing right now, no job, no car i live with my parents im lost i have a beautiful son that stops me from killing myself cause he is the one that makes me smile and i know i should get better for him but there is this force that stops me and i cant fight back.

I love sleeping i wish i could sleep all day and never get out of bed. dont know how to fight back anymore. and everyday i am giving up :o(:10800:

1 Comment
  1. ziquester 14 years ago

    Hey hun..tip,when you hungry and want to eat heaps but not gain weight..vegetables and fruits work wonders.Like carrots!
    Anyway Im glad you believe that you are strong and cant fight what happening.Don’t give up,fight one thing at a time,don’t take it all on at the same time or you shall feel overwhelmed!That way you will gain the self confidence to fight the bigger challenges in life:D
    May I ask whats been happening in your life thats getting worse?
    Sorry to say..this force you speak of that stops you from fighting back is yourself.Maybe because you feel life is a never-ending battle,shit keeps happening.But its not always about fighting,its about learning and growing.Someone once told me that God would never put you through a challenge he knows you cannot handle!I think that makes sense!
    Please dont give up.You can get through this..and if I was there,I’d be right next to you,holding you hand all the way to the end where you become happy with your son.

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