I have been very anxious lately and almost manic. Since my last blog my husband has started working so is not home as much. We had been having a pretty good period of no arguing, kids doing good, etc. Well the job he took was originally offered to me by a family friend. Since it is a sales job I thought it would be a great opportunity for my husband since he is a real ppl person. Well he got the job. Now this friend who is male is someone who my family has known for almost 18yrs. Well he beings to start contacting me. Now I am the only one in my family who he didn't get to know as well as the others. So now he is constantly texting me. Nothing shady just how r u blah blah blah. He is the super sweetest nicest guys ever. Has been so generous and a great friend for years. I just don't know how to feel about this. I actually hate to admit that I like the attention and actually look forward to his contacting me. I feel awful because it's not like I want to have an affair or something I just like the attention. Is this wrong?? I feel awful. Now I again i have been feeling real manic so some of the things we have talked about began to make me sound like this emotional wreck. I feel like I have over shared and now feel like an idiot. My family doesn't know I have any sort or mental illness and I want to keep it that way. But now I feel like I have compromized that. Does that make me crazy or a horrible person. THe thing about it is that this guys seems like he also has some emotional problems as well. This is why I feel like if we have bonded. So idk wtf to think. He is truely a wonderful person but I dont want to ruin the friendship. I feel like I have been so deprived of human kindness that when someone shows a bit of interest in getting to know me, I tun in to Lenny from Mice and Men. I want to hold on for dear life until the life is squeezed out of the person. All the firends I have ever had have never been supportive to me in the sense that whenever they had problems I would help them through it. THen when it was my turn there was no one there for me. I feel like an emotional mess right now. ANd things are actually turning around at home little by little. I just don't know wtf to think …….


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