kinda want one.. kinda don't. really not sure of what i have to offer a woman at this point in my life. really not sure if i am comfortable with the idea of coupling again. really not sure if i should stake so much happiness in relationships in general. i do however feel that love is real, i've just no idea what it is in it's purest form. women have a tendency to hurt me ( i know everyone gets hurt) really really bad. i've yet to have a successful relationship with another woman. i think i am too simple for them. my spartan living does not suit their palette. i guess i just want a girl who's down to earth and confident in herself. someone with a kind heart and a healthy distrust of mainstream normalcy. a girl i can go to a punk show with, discuss existentialism with, have a beer with, read with and make love to.. yet sadly all i ever meet are girls who are hipsters, jet set self-centered faux-hawked pseudo subversive types who rely on sarcasm and mistake it for wit far too often..it's the plasticity of people, specifically young lesbians of my age that make me question relationships in general. sometimes i wonder if a life of celibacy would be a more healthy decision, as my view of love and recieving it  and deserving it is slightly scewed because of my depression, anxiety, an overall general isolation. im not sure if any of this has a pouint.  on this particular subject i remain as ambivalent as i have always been on almost everything. what a lonely young dyke to do. i guess for right now i should just get myself together so that if and when she comes along i'll be healthy independent of our union. i guess that really is the truth of it. so strange, wish i could make my mind..