Yesterday, I told my bf that I have depression and got more worst now and he feeds me some of my worries and concerns. Sometimes i feel alone and I talked to people that made me realize i may be putting myself down alot and I not keeping busy. I going to find help for what i have beacause I feel samething like yesteday but much better. I got lots of feedback from friends and a new place that I been living i just moved to. I use to live at my grandmother house and was so stressed out there because has yelled at me and called me names that made me even worst. So I'm glad that I moved but im facing a new line of new problems that im dealing with and i feel alone. No one understands depression or maybe I'm doing it myself.  I been thorugh alot of things in my life that made me this way and I can't help what happened but im trying to look forward to new things and not stick to the past but its hard.  My dad recently passed away and that made me go overboard with depression.  Trying to stay busy not to thing about that but i miss him alot and i cant change what i feel. My bf thinks i play games online all day and not do nothing around the house but that not it.  I play secondlife.com its a vitual game that has real life people on it from all over the  place and it's like sims but way different. I been on it since last year and i love it. I made alot of friends and people that know what i going thorough and love me. That's my way of dealing with my depression and other  things.  I don't rely on it just it helps me so much i dont want to stop. Taking to strangers sometimes can be good and sometimes bad but most of time its good for me. My bf doesnt like it when im on it for hours but i been cutting back and i know what my tasks are for the day and i might do them slowly or not good enough but i do them. I sometimes feel like im unappericated and my bf thinks i dont appericate him for working alot and i do. I always remind him of that and I love him so much. Been with him for almost 3 yrs and during time i was in depression. It wasnt him that was making me feel that way before then he changed and no matter what i do i feel im not good enough for him. Maybe he just  doesnt understand what i going thorugh now. I dont work or have money, but im working on that right now and taking advice of others and talking about seems to help alot. I just did two appilcations online for work and been searching like crazy and putting the effort into it. I put my updated resume on job sites and will go hunting outside the home soon.  I want a part time job and want to go back to school. Take some online classes or find a school around here that suits my skills and interests. I got goals and dreams just right now taking sometime to happen and im dealing with this depression right now and i cant just put it aside again like i did all my life. Well sorry for venting but i needed to get this all out before i explode and i dont never hold back my emotions. I feel like im always crying and crying is not the answer it just puts in more worst mood. well i finish this soon.