It doesn't make sense how I can hate someone so much. But…everytime I think of her I break out into tears and I get extremely angry. She was cold, and heartless and didn't give me anytime to respond when she did it.

I…hate her from the bottom of my heart and she has ruined the way I look at certain people now. I hate people that don't deserve it just because they look like her and it's not fair.

I don't…think it's right that after I grow up that I have to look back on my life and see all of this, this, this stuff. I don't know what to call it without cussing. It irks me, she made me come home and cry in the shower for hours because she made me feel…

There's no explanation for what she did and even if it was her freakin job she SHOULD have gone about it in a different way. Not just, "Roll over okay this is going to hurt." Yeah, well

She makes me so freaking angry I want to punch something. All I have to do is think about her and I start crying and I just want to go back to her and bang her head into a wall. She shouldn't have done that and if I was in my right mind I should go over there and…

She was just doing her job…but still. It was embarrassing considering all of the people in the room and you know what? I hate her. I can honestly say I've never REALLY hated someone but she's the lucky one. I can honestly say that she just did something to me that feels ugly.

I feel bad when I think of the things she did and by all means if any other doctor in the world were to look at what she did to me they wouldn't say it was bad, but the way she did it, the way she tried to communicate with me afterwards, I just wanted to scream at her to get out of my sight.

Of course I didn't because she was a doctor and she was ALLOWED to do that. Allowed, yeah right, I didn't do ANY sort of allowing. She rolled me over, pulled down my pants and freaking went to town. I hate her.

I. HATE. HER. I've never felt so much…so much disgust and hatred towards one single person but just her face makes me want to throw up and throw things at the same time. And cry. Lots of crying.

I feel before she did that to me I probably could have made it through my life easily but after she did that….after everything else that happened, she broke me. I think that's where I snapped. I can say many things on here and no one would care, but what she did to me, whether intentionally or not, hurts.

I know, and listen to me when I say this, I know it was her job, but she shouldn't have just done that. It isn't allowed. I didn't even understand what she was going to do to me until her finger was there.

I should have said stop, what are you doing, but I didn't. Because I'm not stupid and by the time my pants were down and she said, "This is going to hurt," I knew what she was doing.

She was breaking me. She was… hurting me emotionally and physically. She…broke me. And i wish…I wish I could go back there and stop her from doing that because nothing good came from it. I… can't think like a normal person and the thoughts I have…13 yr olds shouldn't have them.

I'm not normal, and I'm not just saying that. I'm far from the average person and not in a good way. I know, absolutely, from the bottom of my soul, that I won't be mended until someone can mend me. But I just can't get over the fact that my own dang mother didn't say anything.

The words, 'It's her job." continue to ring through my head but it isn't her job to do things without informing me what she's about to do. Just because my mom knew what it was, and everyone else did does NOT mean I did. I didn't know what was happening and…

It wasn't right.

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