Jesus fucking Christ!! I am fucking tired…I am so fucking tired of the fucking cyclical emotions. I really don't know that I can handle these ups and downs. I read back on my last blog and the sense of acceptance was a fucking shocker because today, today I feel like a wad of shit. I am certifiable people. I am fucked up a creek with no paddle. Really I do a good game of talking myself up and at times I am so fucking good I could sell snow to inuits, I participate in self-brainwashing that is literally making me go insane. I constantly tell myself everything will be ok, take it one day at a time, its not the end of the world, but really it just might be. I can't handle these cycles, days where I feel like I could conquer the world devolve into days where I feel that I am worth less than the gum on the bottom of a shoe. Really is this life? Is this my life? Is it worth it? Am I deluding myself thinking that things will get better when I am stuck in this daily rollercoaster ride of emotions? I honestly don't have a fucking clue. I am just emotionally exhausted. I feel completely alone. I absolutely have no faith in people and don't trust them as far as I can throw them, I feel completely isolated and alone. I sincerely want to believe all the shit I say, that things will get better but I am reaching my limits once more and I don't trust my actions in this condition. It was only two days ago that I thought I reached a place of acceptance but now I feel like I was just lying to myself. And if I can't trust other people, or trust myself, what is it that I am doing here exactly? Maybe I just need to let myself self-destruct and let it all be over with. I mean really, less than 48hours ago I was saying that I am a fighter and I wouldn't let life defeat me, and today I feel defeated. I am so fucking frustrated.
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Worst Christmas
t1969, , Depression, Relationships, 1
Really tried to put on a good face today despite how I feel inside. It didn’t matter. I went...
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Black
imogen, , Depression, 0
Rolling stones- paint it black . I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors...
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Why do I bother?
chunckywannabcurvy, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Questions, 0
It is almost 1.30am here and I am wide wake and really peed off and fed up. I have...
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The Day Awaits (I Want To Tell It To F@ck Off)
thebadkitty, , Depression, 0
I am in pain, and don’t feel like doing anything. I have to go to outpatient soon (it’s earleir...
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Fine way to start a day.
dr_fruikenstein, , Depression, Career, Questions, 2
First, to explain a little of what caused this situation… For 11 years I drove truck over the road,...
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Hate how I am
lonelystudent, , Depression, Anxiety, 3
I hate how I feel so lonely but when I am given the chance to actually meet people I...
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The Struggles of a Modern Day Genderfluid
SoulSneeze5930, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Anxiety, Depression, Questions, 0
Now Playing ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’ by The Andrew Sisters. Genderfluid? Check. Depression? Check. Social and regular anxiety? Check....
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Finding Myself
sadviolinist, , Depression, Child, Depression, Obesity, Sleep Disorders, 1
So this is my 2nd blog tonight. It's 2:30 in the morning, and for the past 2 hours my...