Well I can't sleep as usual. I'm pissed off and in the mind state of dreaming of justice towards the ppl who used me and then threw me away as I were just a piece of ordinary trash. I'm always either depressed with good reason I might add or pissed the well you no off. I am lonely and so poor that I'd haft to make money to be poverty stricken. I'm totally discusted with ppl in general, I wonder if I'll ever be right again in my mind about ppl and my heart as well, betrayal cuts life someone took you out and set you on fire and then put you out and repeated the process over and over again as if your pain was some sort of game. I just can't get out of this mess which i was put into by the ppl who were suppose to love me, how can I ever trust myself or anyone else again? I've lost interests in the world find it all boring and mundane. I 've lost interests in men, passion, sex. I find no pleasure in being alive. My situation has closed me down, hard ! It's exposed me to bad things, bad ppl, a bad life asI was told I have no life, I live no life, I'm just existing.

I have a dream of disappearing to a place where I am alone and can let go, kind of like a dog that is sick and crawls off to die. I no what your thinking that's so not normal, well that is right i guess, but i believe my life is a series of being needed and once the need is meet then i'm tossed away, left with the pain and once again to rebuild my life over again. Its just not worth it, there isn't anything worth rebuilding and struggling to make a living , pay bills, buy a house, blah,blah,blah and what for so someone can come again and take it all away and I wind up homeless and without even the bare necessitys ! Don't think there's anything here worth the effort anymore.This is up for debate I suppose…..


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