After avoiding composing a blog entry for the past four days, I think I can manage to write one now.
As I try to organize my thoughts, I am beginning to think my mind has gone into survival mode. For me this means forgetting things. When the days begin to mesh together. I somehow managed to get back on track with Weight Watchers, getting back to 20 pounds gone.
I usually look forward to appointments with my psychologist but I know it's a financial strain…I can't seem to let go of the dark thoughts and the paralyzing fear that comes to my mind when I think of how the problem could be solved. I know I need to learn to drive but I swear the fear has become very intense.
Despite July 4th coming up and my cousin turning 18, I still feel depressed. I hate the fact I can't just look forward to this time with family. The negative feelings seem to win 98% of the time.
Despite the mental struggles I have been facing, I managed to go to church yesterday. The message was about being in the desert, in other words "going through hard times." Despite the topic, I still feel like I am more of a burden than it's worth. I am not sure what to say to my psychologist during Wednesday's appointment…I feel like I need to get as much out of the appointment as possible but I don't want to say something to end up in the hospital.
I guess I am having a case of the Mondays…not sure why considering I don't have any major obligations. I guess I expelmore mental energy than I realize. For example, I am already feeling mentally fatigued and I have only been out of bed for two and a half hours…ugh