Went running earlier today….now, this in and of itself, is, of course, not a bad thing…After all, we all have heard the health benefits of exercising, blah, blah, blah, so it is good in that regard….and it is also good for me on another level: I was so done in with severe deression and enxiety issues the past three years, that the thought of getting out even to as so much go for a walk was unthinkable…so…if I'm out running, it's a good thing for me in that regard….but what's not good?….It was over a hundred degrees outside when I ran….not considered safe weather for running….maybe it's okay if u just do it for a few minutes on a day like this, but I ran for more than a few minutes….so it makes me wonder….yeah, it's POSSIBLE that I've been doing better lately overall, these last few months in particular…….getting out more, not laying in bed all day waiting for the world to crumble like I spent doing for days on end during the worst of the Dark Days(started approx May '09)…so all that is progress I suppose….but….there are anxiety-proviking situations looming on the horizon…and if they don't work out the right way, there is fear that it could lead me on a path back to severe depression….When I do things like go running in this kind of weather, is it because deep down, I have the fears that things still are far from great and that there is the potential for them to get really bad again?…And…by unwisely running in this weather…..am I deep down saying "let's do ill-advised things that could endanger my health and whatever happens happens…"? I hate to say it, but I think I pretty much had a "death wish" when things were at their worst. Even though things are allegedly "better", I'm wondering if I subconciously still do.