Dad,

Tomorrow is your birthday. I wanted to take this time to write/talk with you because we havent been able to talk for so long. A lot has happened in the 7 years you have been dead. I graduated from college and have had 3 good jobs since then. I know you would have been so proud of me. A (my little sis) graduated too. She has gotten married to a guy you probably wouldnt have liked but you know how A is 🙂 He is good to her and she is happy. She has a little baby who will turn 1 year old at the end of this month. You would love her.

I have 3 children now too. You would love them. My oldest son…..his middle name is your first name. He loves the grandpa he never met. You would have just loved him. My girls are so wonderful too. My middle one is so wonderfully sweet and my youngest is brilliant. Honestly, truly brilliant.

L and I took your dog. She lived with us until we had to put her down. She had a brain tumor (lol coincidence, yes?) and started growling and snapping at people. When she tried to bite A we knew it was over. Poor A was and I think still is pretty devistated.

I tried so very hard to take care of mom as you asked. I really did. I moved back to be closer to her. I did that fundraiser to pay for all the medical costs. L and I fixed up the house, garage and yard to get the house ready for sale for her. We cleaned out the garages and cleaned up the yard. Your dear friend bought all the tools that J and L didnt take. I know you would have liked that. moms brother sold the camper for her and a really nice man bought your beloved truck and took it to Hawaii. He loves it like you did and I know it had a good home. I packed most of the house because mom just couldnt. We found her a wonderful duplex and moved her. I helped her start school. I tried to ignore the barbs and pain she tossed my way. She just wouldnt live within her means dad. She ended up losing the duplex and moved in with me. I put up with her venom and was the punching bag she used to vent her anger, loss, pain at losing you. I put up with it for far too long. When she started in on my kids, I had to stop dad. I am so sorry. I wanted to do right by her and I wanted us to bond and I wanted her to love me. It didnt work out but I wanted to tell you that I did the best that I could. I gave her everything. I hope you are looking after her since I can not.

I hope grandpa is there with you. Grandma is so very sad but grandpa was hurting so much the last few years. I hope you two are playing horse shoes and fishing. I hope you both have the dogs you adored in life.

I miss you so much. I know you would be sad and disappointed in how things are for me and with me at the moment but I hope that you would also be proud of me. I know you would want me to be happy and I do want that too dad. I do. I really just dont know how to get it. I cant put flowers and a flag on your grave like I always have this year. I am just too far away. The drive would take 14 hours one way. If you are able, I hope you look down and see where my new house is. I sure miss it there and I know that you would have loved it. I hope to be able to be there again soon.

Your mom and dad are still doing well. They dont travel as much because grandpa has trouble driving so far. I dont see them much anymore since we moved. I dont worry about them though. They have 58 grandchildren now and 16 great grandchildren. They are NOT lonely! 🙂

Oh! L and I took Little Johnny! He lives in Colorado now!! LoL. Can you imagine!??! He is still pretty stunted but he is thriving and seems to like his new home. I will take him with me until he is too large to do so without risking his health. 🙂 I smile and think of you evertime that I see him. For a long while he lived with us in the front yard of our house in Montana but I was afraid if I left him there when we left he would die. So we brought him with us! LoL

I love you and miss you dad. Happy Birthday

Steph