I'm beginning to feel numb. All of this with Dana and the counselors here at school…it's making things worse for me. I've been seeing the counselor s here at the school twice a week. Tuesday, the counselor brought in the head counselor and we talked a bit. She brought up the idea of me dropping out…what was I supposed to say to her? I was already in a fragile state, it's very hard for me to talk about Dana. I'm not dropping out but now that I think about it, they don't care one bit about me, they just don't want to deal with anything. That's how I see it.
For a while there, I considered dropping out. She–the head counselor–asked me if I had a friend in this situation, what would I tell her to do…I answered by saying drop out and spend more time with my cousin. But luckily my parents put it into better terms. Dana has family and friends to care for her and she's so out of it that she probably wouldn't know I was there. See Dana is my cousin's wife technically and I've only seen her a handful of times.
So I won't drop out, but I'm still very depressed…I actually looked up behavioral hospitals, I can do weird things when I'm feeling really down. I just don't know what to tell the counselors or my parents, who I talk to every night by choice. I usually like hearing from them and hearing about how our pets are doing but they don't understand how I'm feeling…they just don't know how much Dana's illness is affecting me. I keep thinking about when my grandma was ill with terminal cancer. I took care of my grandma and saw her struggle for a few months before she passed away.
One thing the counselor suggested that I found helpful was wearing something that reminded me of my grandma. I did that today and found myself holding it a lot.
Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I'm still feeling very depressed and sad. Thanks for reading…