hello out there, i have not kept up with this blog because for a while everyone was so down on theirselves. and i could not handle the sorrow. well, here i am again with my own sorrow. i can not justify the bullshit from the media about the latest shooting and my heart goes out to those who survived but damn it i can not handle the tears anymore…enough…… and with the so called drs and professionals on tv saying its all mental health. well….. hell yes it is. what scares me the most is i know what is like to feel like taking a gun and blowing the crap out of the enemy and that scares me even more. i know how that person felt up to that point of following thru………….i have never followed thru, i did get help the first time, the second time i removed myself from the situation. and i was on medication that time. so i am scared of what happens next. and no, i am not a teenager. i am 62 years old and have suffered from this for 30 years. that i have survived is a miracle in its self. so i sit here in my home, by myself, staying away from most people, some i refuse to be around. i just had a heart attack and now have other health issues to deal with, on a fixed income, with no vehicle, in a rural area that i love but know i need to be in town near people because isolating myself is not the answer. and no health insurance either…..i have become the person i looked down on when i worked in the pharmacy…..i don;t look sick but yes, i have many health problems that are not seen. so if you have taken time to read this, thank you and may your days go well. dianna