Hello and Merry Christmas!
I haven't been in for a while and so I'm back! I been quite busy and very tired. Got a break tonight to write my thoughts. It's been a crazy few weeks but managed to keep myself together. I can't believe what happened in CT. I feel for those tiny souls. When I heard about it on facebook I felt a deep sadness, then I felt frightened. My mind started to play some tricks on me. I felt anxious. My anxiety levels were high and I felt so irritated and angry. I began to worry. I'm afraid of knives any sharp objects, I make sure I keep hidden. I hate knives! My father was killed stabbed to death through his heart when I was just 6years old.
I begin to check my door to see if it's locked. I turn the lights off and on, off and on until it feels right. It's horrible! I been having nightmares every single night. I can't get a good night sleep. I wake up crying. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. I'm not taking anything at all. I am afraid. My OCD says is bad toxic toxic and it will only make me feel worse. So I'm tired very tired and lonely. I worry too much about everything. I'm mad at my family because they all seen depressed on my mother side. She's depressed but strong. My brother is depressed as well and he makes me angry. I'm angry yessssssssssss I'm angry!!!!!! I wish for this OCD to stop. I need to forgive and heal! Harm OCD makes me sad.
When you look earth from space, we are faced with a sobering contradiction. On one hand is the beauty of our planet, on the other is the unfortunate reality of life on our planet for many of her inhabitants – Astronaut Ron Garan
It is beautiful from that special height and beautiful to feel the soil the earth under our feet. But sad realities slithers insanely through the cracks lingering through out the world and stabbing our planet with pain and sorrow – Pippin
I send a prayer to the world. May we embrace the light always in our hearts and may we continue towards our journey to healing with love!