Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is in life. I constantly struggle on a day-to-day basis with depression, PTSD, severe mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, hallucinations, chronic ticks, and ADHD. Trying to daily make sure I put myself first is hard since I am so used to having to put others before me; to abide to their needs and rules. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend Dre. Yes, I know that I loved him and that we were thinking of getting married. However, I finally realized that the relationship I was in was not true love at all. In fact, it was selfishness. I felt like all he wanted was me to abide to his every wish and desire, and he made no effort to please, comfort, or support me. Feeling as though I was being silly, I continued to be there for him, through it all. But then he wanted sexual favors as well, and I finally decided after a few months, I couldnt be with him anymore. Suddenly, I feel free. However, that is not the only thing that I have been going through lately, and I am trying to keep my head up. I am starting to realize who my real friends are, and why I should be cautious of who I hang around, and and who I talk to. I am trying to work on loving myself, though it is difficult for me. I am trying to take care of my body, but I get so depressed because I am gaining weight and I want to go back to 150 lbs. I feel like a overweight person who doesnt have any motivation to lose it. I miss my brother- I wish I could see him more. I wish I knew how to drive. It is ridiculous how I am 17 and dont have a learners permit yet. Stupid me. Lately, I have found myself beating myself up for little things and blaming myself for the things I couldnt control. I am tired of typing so I am going to stop now…I dont see the point of my life at the moment..