Im excited i found this site! ive actually been sat here for 5 hours now, printing off sheets on mental illness, as if i have to do my own reserch on my own  ilness because my doctors are crap and the mental health sector in this area is stupidly bad! Anyway, i have suffered from depression? i dont know, for 10 years, maybe.  With a dash of anxiety and OCD- Thankfully that hasnt developed enough to need help with that, in fact it may just be anxiety, i dont know, but i plan on finding out now no1 else gives a shit.  Ive never been shy of saying "theres somethin not right with me" or you never get anywhere.  I am a genuine, friendly, fun (about 20% when my illess isnt present) ambitious (when my illness isnt kicking me down) interesting and funny person.  I wish i was who i was years ago, biut ive become sum1 i dont know, which is very hard to live with when starting new jobs, relationships etc, you reallyhave to know who you are in those situations so i struggle with friends, work and relationships. I understand why sum people dont understand mental problems, but i HATE it when they are ignorant and dont care to understand.  I am all that represents a metally unstable person? (if that isnt too harsh) so thats y ive come here, as i want to talk to people who know what i represent.  Im used to be convinced that i had a little black cloud over me always, now i know that  thats my negative energy drawing in more bloddy negative thins too me, its true you have to break the cycle, im like a magnet and its only me who can break that, anyone who has this problem take note.  Others have caused me to think like this, and i hate them all with a passion for hurting me, but they are just people, and its up to me to rebound their negative vibes away from me……just working  on that, so far, not getting anywhere. Im keeping a journel, which i will give to sum professional (as they call themselves) so they can get an idea of me, as im normally really happy and funny when i meet them, and they think god whats wrong with her shes fine……but there is a darker side under the front that only my close family see 🙁 What a babble for my first blog, im off to make some food, bye.x