The nightmare for us is now ending. DCF will have no more contact with us unless they have any more questions regarding Corey and his father. Now it's just time for Zachary to continue therapy and talk about what happened because he is a victim, whether we like it or not. I hate that word; victim. It makes me feel sick and powerless.

My friends' own private hell is just beginning. Corey's interview went on for an hour and a half, and he never said a word, never changed his body language, nothing. NOTHING. Karleen (the social worker) said she has NEVER seen a kid so manipulated as this one. She told Michelle that Corey would never say anything against his father, that he'd take a bullet for him before he said anything bad against him.

Heidi's interview was a relief though. She has not been touched by her brother, father or anyone else. That much was clear.

Karleen sat Michelle down and told her that because Corey didn't say anything incriminating there was not much she could do. She is visiting Warren today and is going to attempt to scare the living hell out of him, but it's a bluff. She has no power since they have no proof. Michelle's only chance of gaining custody of her son is in a court battle.

This is what we were afraid of for Corey all along. When Karleen leaves Warren's house we're sure that Warren will show up at Michelle's and blow. So Mike is taking the kids out of the house for the day to an undisclosed location. That way they don't see what happens between Michelle and Warren. Michelle is going to make it plain that she's going to fight to get Corey in her custody and do whatever it takes. The scary thing is not only is Warren abusive, he's also very emotionally unstable. There's no telling what he could do. It's a very dangerous situation and Michelle knows that.

Michelle also had a very long talk with Corey last night about what was going on. She made it very plain to him that if he had been 12 years old he would have gone to jail for about 5 years for what he had done to Zach. And if he did it again to someone that he WOULD go to jail ~ end of story. She told him that she knew he was trying to protect his father but that his father didn't need protecting, that HE did. His father is a massive manipulator and was guilt-tripping him to make him stay out of fear. She also told him that she would take him away from his father, whether he liked it or not. That this madness all had to end. And she also told him the road he was heading down was not one he wanted to be on, and if he continued with it his life would be one of hell. She also made sure that he knew she loved him and wanted what was best for him. So she left it at that. She told me she's said all she could say to him and that he had to make the decision to talk on his own. But I doubt that will come, and so does she. She's afraid he's already a lost cause, but I reassured her that wasn't the case. He may be badly damaged, but he can still be saved.

She can't even get him into counseling because if it's against Warren's wishes (because he has custody) it could go against her in court when she tries to get custody herself. Nevermind that it's what the child needs more than anything except to be taken out of that house. She told me she has never felt so powerless in her whole life, and I can't even imagine what she's going through. Guilt courses through me, even though I know my first and foremost responsibility is my son's well being. It had to be done, but I had hoped against hope that it wouldn't come to this.

At this point she's going to file a motion to prevent Warren from having any contact with Heidi at least in the short term. He hasn't gotten to her yet, but he will given time, and we all know that. Right now she's focusing on what she CAN do, and that is try to protect her daughter from what is happening to her son.

As I sit here and write this my head aches from the never-ending thoughts that invade my brain. I can't seem to make them stop. Sleep has been evasive the last couple of days, and what little I'm getting is very poor and nightmare filled. Dreams that leave the hair prickling all over my neck, arms and legs. Dreams that leave me waking in a panic with adrenaline flowing through me in amounts like my own blood. I end up sittingwaitful in the darkness, waiting for sleep to stop eluding me, waiting for my mind to slow down. Even with the Klonopin dosage I'm on it's not helping me much. I'd hate to see what I'd be like without it at this point though.

I told Michelle that after the expected war with Warren today to call me if she needed to cry or just be angry and have someone listen. I told her I would take her anywhere she needed to go to get away from it and let it all out. It doesn't matter to me what time day or night ~ I will be there.

As for me today, I'm TRYING to relax. TRYING. I'm going to go lie down on the couch and try to steal some sleep before it decides to run away again. Just even a little will help. Soon we are going to go pick up Zachary from Joshua's house and I need to have a good hold on myself by then. I don't want any unnecessary tenseness in the air, I want him to come home and feel like home is safe. I'm also going to ask him if he'd like to go ahead and move his room around this week sometime.

That's it for now. I don't have any more strength to talk about it or anything else. I did just notice it's a beautiful day out though.