I remembered one thing my father told me 'When the time comes you will know who your friends are." I chalked it off as OK dad, my friends are great, they will always be there for me, they will always have my back, wrong. I realized this a few years ago, when I was there for all of them, picking them up , listening, holding their hands, telling them that everything is going to be OK, when they were all that their lowest best friends forever right, not even close.

As I look back over it all, how I answered each phone call no matter what time it was, text, IM, on FB or Myspace, marriages falling apart, what ever the reason ,I was there, then when the time came and I hit rock bottom in my own life, no one would pick up the phone, emails went unread ,everyone scattered, everyone was to busy , or things were great in their lives now , they couldn't be bothered, this is everyone in my life, including my own husband.

It is like everyone steps over me ,ignores me, acts like this is all an act, when I can't seem to get out of bed or get dressed or all I want to do is cry because it hurts so bad, all I want to do is just do nothing, I am so tired all the time, I just want to sit in front of the TV and just be left alone, people close to me know there is something wrong but they can't be bothered. Even when I reach out for help an try to tell someone I need help or feel this way ,I feel like no one takes me seriously ,I can't tell you how alone I feel , my husbands asks me "What do yo have to be depressed about,?" I told him everything, now that made it worse, he just ignores me or just looks at me like I am pathetic,

I am tired all the time, my whole body hurts, my head hurts, I no longer do the stuff I used to do, I barely leave the house I dread leaving the house anymore, I got to work and come home ,that' sall I want to do, I cry all the time, I don't know what happened to me how I ended up like this . I feel like I don't matter anymore ,I am just bringing everyone down, maybe everyone would be betteroff with out me around,