Hi, well im am known as Captain Backfire, the title says it all, my life generally tends to backfire lol.
I am currently at university studying electronic engineering and am still in my first year, a late starter some might say.
Over the last 3 years I have been seriously unwell with Crohns disease, having many long stays in hospitals, horrible tests, aggressive drugs, major surgery’s and far from useful consultants.
It destroyed my world, stopping me finishing A Levels, going to university, seeing my friends and generally just living a normal life.
Many so called friends just left me for dead, making life a very lonely place, and making my black dog of deppression bite hard.
I have generally suffered from depression since i was little, suffering with anxiety and self doubt all the way through my school life and early years. However it was managable as you grow to live with it.
After my last operation to remove damaged bowel, I managed to pick myself up and get on with life again, finishing my A levels and getting 3 A’s whilst being seriously ill, and managing to get into one of the best university’s for electronics in the world.
However this wasnt long to last, within 3 days of starting university and meeting my flat mates and new friends, I became seriously ill with a C Difficile infection which put me in isolation for a week or so and woke my crohns up from its slumber.
Since then life has become one big roller coaster, turning my fresh start to life at university into a struggle to keep up with studying and even getting up in the morning.
Over the last few weeks and across christmas i have been really unwell, putting me through more hospital tests, and all the usual symptoms from my crohns.
This making my big black dog of depression bite harder than its ever done, and making me think that whats the point in life anymore?
Very few understand how bad depression can be. I can live with a life full of terrible pain, sickness, blood and a body trying to kill itself, but i cannot cope with a mind that just wants to give up, has no happiness in life, and needs a saviour from feeling so low that no light can be seen at the end of the tunnel.
I have no clue of when this will end……..