I'm going through alot of stuff with my kids right now. After 2 years of this seperation/divorce I thought that by now my kids would be in a bit of a better place emotionally. They were for a bit now its just all gone to [email protected]#t. Makes me feel like a crappy mom. WOrk is stressful and I'm trying to cut back. I've worked so hard and so much the past 6 years that I'm burnt out. During all this I have been trying to maintain my sanity by going out and trying to meet people and have actual adult conversations with. Started dating only to find that at this age people play more games than kids do. JUst as I was about to give up I meet someone who seem to be a good potential future something. I'm am such a mess emotionally right now that its taking everything I have not to let all that show or some to the surface right now. He knows I've struggled with depression and hard time before. I just dont want to bombard him with this now. He has alot to deal with as well. Like me he has been abused, betrayed, hurt and I just want us to enjoy each other. Our schedules conflict though which sucks. Its hard because I really would love to have some time and attention given to me. I hate feeing so damn needy. This is the first time in a long time I am actually allowing myself to let someone in. I dont want to blow it. I feel so damn selfish for even pursuing a relationship with someone right now with all the stuff going on. Am i a horrible person for wanting someone in my life? I'm not in need of someone but want someone there for me. I feel so blah. DIsatisfied and unmotivated with life right now. I have to keep on keeping on for my kids though. I just have to get my s#%t together. I deserve to have peace and be happy. I have suffered enough. =(


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