So, I guess this is my first blog on here . Be forewarned, I'm typing from a phone and this makes me prone to poor writing and overlooked auto correct errors….so, please visit excuse anything like that. I'll try to proofread This.Anyhow, I'm not good t the moment. Look, I hate to sound desperate or weak or whatever word to properly describes how I will probably sound right now but geez. I'm just sick of being alone. I need a human connection. I don't have anyone that I c an really share myself with and not to mention the need for physical contact/nurturing. I'm just Gina write even if some of it is embarrassing. I realized the other day with the dawning of the new year that it has been going on 10 years since I started a serious relationship. I cant believe it's been this long. That relationship lasted a bit over 2 years and since then I've had a few short lived girlfriends , a fwb for a time…but I just really miss having someone. The absence of such is really getting to me…now after that realization especially.Itwoukdnt be so bad if I could rationalize it. But I can't. I believe I'm at least reasonably attractive. I'm pretty smart. In skilled. For fucks sake, I'm a musician, massage therapist and a firefighter… shouldn't that win me some points. I have plenty of very positive qualities. I may be fairly reserved, but I do have a certain confidence in myself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I've done to deserve this.Maybe I just don't meet or have theoppotunity to meet enough people. That's all I can do to keep this from driving me completely crazy….but it's still really bothering me. I mean, I do the things I do to serve my own ambitions and desires, but I want to share myself with someone. I have wonderful things to offer to a companion. I'm so frustrated. Joining the fire dept has dine wonders for making me not want to drive off a bridge anymore. I have purpose now and reason beyond not wanting to upset my family to keep rash thoughts from creep in g into my mind where they always used to lurk, I have a community to tend to. I have a life to build. Why can't I find someone to share this with me. It just eats at me so. I haven't even had a good pen pal since 2010 that I could really at least share my feelings with. I don't know what else to do other than vent here. It hasn't seem to have helped unto itself…hopefully once I hit submit I'll feel vaguely better. I think hitting submit and having a beer might be a good plan. Anyways, please share something that may be of comfort if you can. Or say hi and lets talk. I'm not asking for anything more.